Scarred On The Inside - Exploring Colorism


Growing up, I was blessed to be among a variety of skin tones. My mother, who is a deep chocolate complexion, birthed a brown rainbow that ranged from vanilla wafer brown to an adobe reddish-brown. Growing up around this range showed me that there were all kinds of brown that fit under the umbrella of Blackness. 

Despite this understanding, it was apparent that certain skin tones were treated differently. My little brother and I were on the deeper brown spectrum. He was often teased by our cousins often about his complexion. Ironically, these cousins were just a shade lighter than he. As a child, I recall that among the worst insults hurled towards African-Americans was anything involving the word "African." Because of his dark complexion, my brother heard that insult quite often. Having internalized the negative stereotypes of Africa and Africans, my little brother was deeply stung by those comments. As a young boy, he would cry about the comparison, which was what my cousins wanted.

On the other side of the color spectrum was my older sister, who was lighter than us. Though I never witnessed it, she often shared with me the pain of being light-skinned. This pain was caused primarily by my deep chocolate brown maternal aunt. On the flip side, this hurt was coupled with more attention from boys and young men who found her attractive. It didn't help that the disproportionate appreciation for lighter-skinned Black women in visual and audio media supported her perception. These different experiences led her to believe that her light skin was a mark of superiority, partly because she thought it caused jealousy and envy in darker-skinned women. I grew up just loving her because she was my big sis and the only other girl in the house. I share these two memories to demonstrate the complexity of colorism.

We often think of colorism as causing pain to only dark-skinned people that society views as lower in worth, less attractive, and more criminal than lighter-skinned people. The dark-skinned women in my family experienced a great deal of pain and ridicule for their God-given appearance. The receivers of their pain were often their flesh and blood, like my sister and brother.

I used to ask myself, why didn't I also have a story of color-based mistreatment to share like my siblings? Was it because I was a "safe" brown to others? I was not too dark and not too light. Was it because I grew up completely different from my much older siblings? We moved from a homogenous community on the south side to a melting pot on Chicago's north side. Was it because I went to a diverse middle and high school? All of the above, I would say. My sister did experience a great deal of abuse as a child, and she was (and still is) healing from that pain. This is where colorism often stems from--a deep-seated trauma that has poisoned our view of attractiveness and worth.

Keisha Mathew is a mother of two and has been with her South-Asian husband for over fifteen years. She has a masters from the University of Chicago and dabbles in all forms of visual art. When she is not counseling youth by day, writing about her experience as a woman of African descent is her passion. If you enjoyed her take on Blindian living, you can follow her @wanderlust.writer.creator

If you've been affected by colorism and have a story you'd like to share, please don't hesitate to reach out to us

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